dawn french. gorgeous as ever. and yet somehow, i am a little bit sad …

read about her weight loss and see more pix at the good old Daily Mail.

well, that was fun … not

hello, did you miss me?

i’ve been having a medical adventure — nothing too dramatic, but enough to keep me off the blogging circuit.

my gastric lapband — my second — went pear-shaped. well, not exactly pear-shaped, but it was buggered. that’s a medical term for No Fucking Use At All.

it slipped. well, it tore away and slipped, technically, as these things are supposedly stitched down to the outside of your stomach when they put ‘em in. And it slipped right to the top of my stomach, effectively meaning my stomach was reduced to a tiny little sac which couldn’t deal with the juices it normally produces, let alone anything i was trying to put in it.

result? constant nausea, constant vomiting, pain, bleeding, and ultimately dehydration. that’s what drove me to the ER a couple of sundays ago, and it all went from there.

i had surgery last thursday to remove the band and its port and since then i’ve been up at the Parental Units abode in Toowoomba recuperating.

back home now, back to actually, y’know, eating and back to work next wednesday.

please, my fellow fat folk. do not get a gastric lapband unless you have done the work in your head. it’s just a tool, not a magic bullet. don’t do it without having your attitude right first, or it’s a painful waste of time.

take it from me. two lapbands, two failures, many scars and several thousand dollars later.

civilisation is dumb

some links worth taking a look at …

… that i came across in my travels today:

Chaz Bono: I was never a lesbian

chaz interviewed by the lovely anderson cooper of cnn. in it he says he was never a lesbian and that he feels very blessed to be with someone who is able to go through this with him. meanwhile, anderson’s eyes are as ever, heavenly blue.

Can talent outweigh size in hollywood?

story by breeanna hare from cnn about gabourey sidibe and what the future holds for in hollywood given her size, and her talent. some industry observers say she won’t be able to get roles in Hollywood because of her size, while casting directors say her talent will overcome the industry’s physical standards.

Get rid of pit bulls.

dangerous breeds have been in the news in my neck of the woods lately. this is a daily beast yarn from charles leerhsen, whose tiny pooch was mauled recently. but fear not, he speaks sense as well as emotion.

Betty White’s 11 funniest moments.

who doesn’t love betty white? daily beast has strung together 11 videos spanning her entire career showing off the ancient one’s comedic talents.

hot

personal trainers, fat and me

had an interesting experience at the gym this afternoon. was sitting on the compound row machine, ostensibly working those muscles between my shoulderblades that make me sit up straighter when they’re in good shape.

i admit i wasn’t really focusing. i was thinking about work, actually, surprise surprise.

so, as the parlance goes, my form was a bit sloppy.

a brand new personal trainer comes over to me. now this is a relatively rare occurrence at my gym – not because they’re crap trainers, but because i’ve been going there for years and most of them know that i prefer to be left alone to do my thing.

this one, being new, didn’t know. introduced himself. adam. very cute, ladies, if you’re in the vicinity of runaway bay sports super centre and fancy your chances. american, which immediately explained his earnestness.

proceeded to – very nice and politely, btw – tell me how i could improve the effectiveness of what i was doing on the machine. that’s cool, i’m happy to be corrected.

when i responded in a way that made it obvious i have a fair idea of what i’m doing when it comes to my anatomy and how to tweak it, he became a little bolder.

‘just stand up for me,’ he said. so i humoured him. stood up. ‘do you do squats,’ he asked. i laughed.

‘god no,’ i said.

‘why not,’ he said.

‘adam, look at me,’ i said. ‘i have dodgy knees and far too much weight to lift up and down on them.’

‘let me show you a way you can do them,’ he says, thereby reaching the limits of my tolerance for focus on my body.

‘no, let’s not,’ i said and sat back down again.

then ensued an interesting discussion about how he had no idea what it was like to walk into a gym when you’re my size. the sheer humiliation of it.

he, of course, was clueless. i said if there was a gym with no mirrors and only fat and disabled and elderly clients, then i wanted to be a member.

fair dinkum, nobody but another fat person knows the daily internal steeling that has to go on just to get out of the goddamned house, let alone walk into a gym full of mirrors and fit people.

so, young adam got more than he bargained for. but i think he learned something.

the hot fat girl manifesto

from zoe whittall at shameless, via definatalie:

BECAUSE being a hot fat girl is a lot of work and is undervalued or unrecognized.

Because a fat girl still has to pay more money for uglier clothes or spend 11 hours at the thrift store to find anything hot to wear.

Because if you take the elevator people think you’re lazy but if you’re on the treadmill people laugh.

Because men like John Goodman and Bernie Mac get to have careers on television but sitcom moms of three still have size-two waists.

Because even feminist magazines publish fat-phobic articles under the guise of it being a “health issue.”

Because anti-capitalist activists still use expressions like “fat capitalist pig.”

Because girls are dieting at the age of nine. Because side effects of the most popular diet drugs are seizures, heart failure, fecal urgency, breast cancer, lung disease, insomnia, nausea and vomiting, dangerously high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat, psychosis, strokes, hallucinations and sudden death.

Because the Cooper Institute’s ongoing study of 30,000 people has found that those who are fittest live the longest, no matter what they weigh.

Because the doctor who said that there were 30,000 “obesity-related” deaths each year received over $2 million in research funding from Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.

Because that study prompted the FDA to approve Phen-Phen and Redux.

Because fat hatred is a money-making industry.

Because fat people who exercise live longer than thin people who don’t.

Because if you lose weight ’cause you’re sick people tell you how great you look.

Because hatred is so ingrained in every single one of us, especially inside the heart of even the hottest fat girl.

Because even the most progressive people don’t talk or write about it.

Because I am tired of being ignored, invisible, de-sexualized and told that I have such a pretty face.

Because it’s not fat that kills, it’s fear of fat.

For all that and more I am a part of the HOT FAT GIRL REVOLUTION!

proving the point that abuse comes from the ignorant

and here is just one reason why we have to keep speaking out about ignorance and abuse surrounding the issue of fat:

Shut up, fatty. If you ate well, you wouldn’t be obese. Water retention, muscle and bone structure only account for so much.

oh, look. here’s another:

People are born a certain race, sexuality, or whatever. Being fat is a choice. Stop crying.

why does it have to be such a black and white issue for you narrow-minded, abusive people? why is it not possible for you to understand that fat is broad spectrum of factors? just because you lost weight by eating lettuce and exercising like a maniac, doesn’t mean that it’s possible to do it that way for someone else.

grow up, you abusive loser.

here’s the gruen transfer ad causing all the fuss

now, the abc didn’t air it, because they would have violated what passes for broadcast regulations in this country. i think it’s a great shame. this is a clever ad, that delivers a message that needs to be delivered, in a smart, fast, gut-kicking way.

discrimination against the fat is the same as discrimination on the basis of colour, race, sexuality, religion, whatever. get over it.

fat abuse … the last ‘acceptable’ prejudice

oh the day i’ve had, dear stringies. it started out on twitter, as it does most mornings these days, just catching up with the world, sifting through the many and numerous links and news of the day.

then someone i follow, who i won’t bother naming and shaming, because it would be pointless, tweeted about a woman who was sitting on the train near him.

Oh that’s fucking disgusting. An obese woman sat across from me on train w/ visible pannus (wiki it) hanging below her skirt. Blech!!

now, i don’t care if the woman he’s talking about was rich, poor, black, white, gay, straight, able-bodied, disabled, whatever. we all have a right to go through our day without copping that kind of abuse and prejudice.

(you could argue, i suppose, that she wasn’t ‘hearing’ the abuse, and therefore, y’know, who cares? i don’t see it that way. twitter is a public forum – for all we know, she could read the comments there, figure out it was her and … but even that’s not the point. abuse one black/gay/fat/disabled person, you’re abusing the whole class.)

i was offended on this woman’s behalf. because i’ve been there, y’know? i cop abuse regularly, here on the looks-are-everything gold coast. because being fat is the last remaining ‘acceptable’ abuse.

so i called this guy on it. i called bull-puckey as the Adorkable One would say.

then came the torrent of the usual arseclownery – i’m loving that word today – ‘being gay or black isn’t a choice, being fat is’ … ‘eat less, eat healthy, move your body – 100% guaranteed weight loss’ … ‘i was 140kg, now i’m a healthy 90-95kg, and i’m gay, i know about prejudice, i know what i’m talking about’.

yeh, bullshit, dude.

it worked for you. congratulations. all due respect.

it doesn’t work for everybody. being fat, yes, being obese, is caused by an entire spectrum of factors – physical, psychological, financial, emotional, social, medical, and yes, sexual.

i’ve tried everything. i’m on my second lapband. it’s only now starting to work, six months on from insertion. and there’s a whole bunch of reasons for that, believe me.

the politics of fat isn’t a black and white thing. it’s about pain, and shame, and guilt, and shy, and angry, and abused, and afraid, and expedience, and poverty, and denial, and … i could go on for pages.

regardless of this woman’s reasons for being fat, she is a human being, with human rights, human emotions, human dignity, and she deserves all the respect we give every other human being who crosses our path.

is that really so much to ask for?